Last night I realized that the alien person on the “Green is the New Red” flyer I found is supposed to be Barack Obama. It’s a creepy Obama face, and then a series of made-up quotes underneath…stuff like:
“Don’t ask what the state can do for you, ask what you can do for me.”
“Peace = Population Control, this is why I support all forms of abortion.”
…and my personal favorite, “America no longer needs silver and gold, carbon credits and even tulip bulbs is the progressive wave of the future. It’s the grave of the future.”
What? You’re scaring me, creepy green Obama, with this concise analysis of the state of our country’s affairs. Tulip bulbs are the progressive wave-grave of the future? Why haven’t I seen this on the news? Oh, I know why — because these flyers are giving me the unvarnished truth from the streets!
Do people believe this stuff? I guess someone does if they’re making flyers and throwing them on the ground for citizens like me to discover. The thing is, if I fold the flyer just so, I only see the Obama picture, and he actually looks like a decent guy. So I taped Creepy Green Obama to my wall and now consider him my personal adviser.
Here he is, next to a Mini MoonPie that I got from Padgett Powell at the Southern Festival of Books. Pairing the two makes as much sense as tulips and carbon credits and the moon being made of green cheese and the world being flat and the sun revolving around Sarah Palin.
Creepy Green Obama and I have conversations like this:
Me: Pardon me, Creepy Green Obama, but do you think it advisable that I consume some cookies this afternoon, perchance?
Creepy Green Obama: (an actual faux-quote) It is as easy to believe, as it is to lie. The sky is no longer the limit.
Me: Umm. Okay. Is that a yes?
Creepy Green Obama: Green is the New Red. New Dead.
Me: Cookies it is!
Padgett Powell’s Mini MoonPie: Guacamole! Underpants! Scoliosis!
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