The oppressive heat has apparently melted my brain so I can’t come up with anything coherent today. Instead, I will explore the realm of beach etiquette with a series of questions or thoughts. Feel free to add to the list.
Question A: Smoking while in the water, yea or nay? I was bobbing around in the waves and smelled the wonderful aroma of a burning cigarette…then saw a man nearby and he was puffing away. I haven’t seen that since weekends out on the river in Minnesota, when people smoked a lot and threw kids off boats and wore too-tiny swimtrunks and probably had mullets.
Question 4: Do you think a dolphin would be attracted by the noise of me clapping my hands underwater? I do, and I tried it, but the dolphins about 50 yards away paid no attention and eventually went somewhere else. What gives? I thought they were curious, but I guess they’re elitist jerks, which I always suspected because they look arrogant with all their gliding about and squeaking and jumping. Look at us! We can swim and squeak, and you are merely hairy and ill-suited to any water-based activity!
Issue D: Cell phones on the beach, yea or nay? NAY. This is not necessary. Thank you, lady, for stopping right in front of me to have an inane conversation with your mom, and thanks for continuing your walk ONLY AFTER YOU FINISHED TALKING. If I’d had some sort of high-powered water cannon I would have shot it at you, cleansing the beach of your nasally voice and unimportant concerns about a stupid recipe.
Observation 11: Kids have fun at the beach. One ran around yelling “I found a ski-shell!” and another let out a hearty “Oh crap!” before wiping out on a wave, and both of those occurrences made me laugh, because I know they will soon learn that the world is not so nice sometimes, but they don’t know that yet, so they are pure.
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Yesterday was a great beach day — had fun and easy waves and got a little bit sunburned. BUT also saw a 10 or 11 year old boy changing clothes on the beach — he got totally naked and changed clothes. I think they were some kind of European since the dad/grandad had one some very, very short and tight swim trunks. What is the age limit for naked changes on a crowded beach?
Hmm…I think 10 or 11 is too old. Maybe with the rise of beach tent cities (beach-goers bringing out huge camping pavilion appartus) could mitigate this. They can just go in their tent and change.
I think 10 or 11 is ok as long as puberty has not kicked in (e.g., no body hair). But definitely no older.
Question A: When I used to smoke, it seemed okay to smoke while bobbing around the pool (if it was not forbidden); but smoking while in natural bodies of water just seemed wrong.
Question 4: I bet your handclapping annoyed the dolphins as much as the beach cellphone conversation annoyed you. You were lucky they left without hurting you!
I don’t know if I like this Question 4 logic, Robin, for that would make me out to be some sort of hypocrite, and THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS BLOG IS ABOUT. I get to say how I want things to be, without fear of things like logic creeping in.
But yeah, they probably did get annoyed and swim to more peaceful waters. Knowing this area they were then immediately run over by jet skiing tourists.
A: Smoking in the water is ONLY acceptable if you also have an inflatable tube to carry your oxygen tank.
4: Dolphins are infact attracted to clapping under the surface IF you first shave your entire body AND squeak to the tune of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Otherwise they will feel superior and leave the area.
D: Cell phones on the beach. Very important if you are calling your mother. Alex, you are not a woman and so you don’t understand the relationship of a mother and a daughter. That “inane” conversation that poor girl had with her mother probably saved her 20 years of mom guilt for not calling.
11: What has the world come to that we have some kinds of children running around naked on the beach! I think we should ban anyone under the age of 18 from enjoying the ocean. We should line all the children up and explain to them that the world is not a nice place and they should toughen up and use words a bit harsher than “crap.” Someone needs to teach them.
By the way, I just got a Facebook birthday reminder for you. So I am remembering. And hopefully the first person to wish you an early birthday! Not a happy one. Just an early one.
Nope, no cell phones on the beach. I know people find this hard to believe, but the world worked just fine without 24×7 phone/text access. If that’s where you have to go to save Mom Guilt…well, that should just cause more guilt.
Thanks for the early birthday wishes, I guess? Better early than late, or never, or in-between!
Cell phones on the beach-if you want to stay that connected, stay home.
Smoking while in the water-well at least he won’t have to go far to put the fire out after he falls asleep and the cig starts to burn off his chest hair.
I never thought of dolphins as elitist snobs. But then again I’ve never been snubbed by one.
Children are pure, and now that I’m a parent I really wish the world wasn’t out to suck the life from them.
i can’t stop snickering (maybe squeaking?) about the dolphins.
You know, that’s exactly the sound dolphins make: squeaky snickering. And they’re always smirking, too.
I just finished with a patient who was born 7/7/1918. And she wanted me to inform you that it is a good birthday and to wish you a happy one. I asked if she had any advice for you. But she didn’t hear me
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1918? That’s pretty cool. I hope her advice was to go to rock concerts with no hearing protection, because that’s working well for me so far.
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