Kissy face, disaster.
Once again I’ve strayed into heavy territory and feel bad for bringing everyone down. So today is going to be fun. And brief. I’m not sure the brief part is possible. I’ll. Try. Promise.
First, a fun link my pal Mitch sent me: Netdisaster. It’s simple — plug in a web site and watch it get destroyed by the natural disaster of your choice. Don’t like my blog on education? Blow it the hell up! Not a fan of FoxNews.com? Send some dinosaurs over.
Second, a short story about my dog, Harrison, and that funny saying about pets taking after their owners. I took Harrison for a walk yesterday and we came across one of his neighborhood friends, an old retriever who is half blind and excessively friendly. Her owner is also excessively friendly. So Old Retriever sniffs Harrison and as they’re passing, she gives him a lick on the side. A nice, “Hey, I like you!” little lick.
Harrison curls up his tail, stands upright, and stares at Old Retriever. Then he turns around and starts walking home. Doggie conversation over. I agreed with him. When we’re walking, we’re walking. I don’t stop to chat very often.
That’s when Old Retreiver Owner made a big mistake. “Oh, she loves giving kisses! Did you see that? She gave him a kiss. She likes him. They’re friends. Let’s do it again. Watch her give him a kiss. Don’t you want a kiss? Don’t you want a kiss? Don’t you want a kiss?”
She was talking to my dog, a losing proposition, so I answered. “I don’t think he likes that. He’s trying to go home. He really wants his treat and doesn’t like being interrupted.”
“HE WANTS A KISS!”
“Uhh…I don’t think you understand. That’s not a good idea.”
“HE WANTS A KISS!”
“Ok.”
Harrison was at the end of the leash with his back turned. Old Retriever Owner pointed Old Retriever at him. Old Retriever shuffled on over, and sweet thing that she is, stood there being jolly until Harrison turned to look at me with his “Are we going yet?” face. At that point Old Retriever moved in for a big sloppy doggie kiss on the lips. Slllllurp!
The next part is a blur. Harrison nipped or bit Old Retriever on the tongue with a mildly aggressive kung-fu head butt/lunge combination. Old Retriever yelped like, well, like she’d just had her tongue bitten. Old Retriever Owner, who was in the middle of bellowing “HE WANTS A KISS!!” for the fourth or fifth time, interrupted herself with a gigantic “Oh SHIT! He bit my dog!!!”
I froze. I’d like to say I jumped into action and acted concerned. I didn’t. I had an “I told you so” expression on my face, I’m sure, and snickered when Harrison turned back toward home. Fortunately for us, Old Retriever was fine. And Old Retriever Owner was still nice. She was more concerned about apologizing for swearing than suing me for my dog de-tonguing her dog.
I felt bad when we went our separate ways because I heard her consoling Old Retriever. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t know that he wouldn’t like your kisses.”
The moral of the story is that I need to get Harrison on board with the “It’s okay to touch Alex” plan. I’m getting better. I don’t bite people anymore. I can envision a world in which I tolerate being touched. That’s a huge step. I’m sorry, Old Retriever, that I haven’t passed this down to my ornery dog. He has a bad role model.
Posted: January 30th, 2008 under Pets.
Comments: 4
Comments
Comment from KiTe Girl
Time: January 30, 2008, 9:16 am
That mean old dog (the retreiver, not Harrison) hates Jake the wonder dog. So I am glad Harrison bit him. Every time good old Jake walks down the sidewalk in front of General Retreiver’s house that mean old dog comes out and scares my blessed little baby and we have to cross the street. And I think far too many people are too free with the things they let their dogs do. If I want your dog to come up to me I will call it. Otherwise keep it next to you. If you don’t have it trained well enough to stay next to you, keep the wild beast on a leash. And if your child wants to pet my dog than you better ask. And if you child tries to pull my dogs tail, don’t laugh–apologize and train your children to mind. And if you child comes running over and pets my dog without asking permission (yours or mine) then keep your kid on a leash until it is trained better for that matter.
Comment from Alex
Time: January 30, 2008, 9:34 am
I’m probably over-cautious but my biggest fear is a kid yanking on Harrison’s tail or something and getting a nip. I don’t think he’d take off a limb, but I think an angry parent would either sue me, want Harrison put down, or karate kick me. Or all three.
And yeah, loose dogs tend to aggravate me. I’ve seen two hit by cars in our neighborhood, and I’ve seen Old Retriever walk right out in front of a truck when she tried to come over and make out with Harrison. It’s as much about their safety as anything else…it’s our job to keep the mutts safe (since they apparently don’t understand what moving vehicles are).
Nevermind the fact that some folks just don’t like dogs. Or they’re scared of them.
Comment from Sarah
Time: January 30, 2008, 10:40 am
I hate people who think that just because their dog is on a leash (and come on people, a flex leash doesn’t count in this situation) on my side of the street when the other side of the street is a nice green area with a nice lake, and the idiot walking them lets them walk all up in my yard. Forget the offending doo that inevitably doesn’t get picked up, but for the moment we’ll just mention the space thing. We have taken pains to make sure our dogs stay in their yard. We have a fence (with cinder blocks sunk just inside to prevent digging out) in the back, and around our entire yard, we have an invisible fence. That may not be necessary everywhere or with every dog, but with alligators across the street and Maggie, it is necessary. The invisible fence keeps my dogs in, but it doesn’t keep agressive dogs on flex leashes out of my yard. Now when they get in my yard and try to get all up in my dogs’ faces, my dogs get a little nick, which they then think came from the offending dog. So here is my campaign message — HEY IDIOTS!!! IF YOU HAVE A CHOICE BETWEEN GREEN SPACE AND SOMEONE’S FRONT YARD, PICK THE GREEN SPACE. Unless you’re Harrison or Jake, in which case you’re always welcome in our yard — front or back — because Sam really does love you. I know I have my neighbor’s support on this, — he really, really hates people who walk their dogs on our side of the street.
Now the other thing I worry about is Sam and babies. Since our neighbors got their baby just about the same time we got Sam, they have grown very fond of one another — baby is very comfy with Sam and loves to pet her, hug her, and give her kisses and Sam likes to get up close to baby and give her kisses. Our neighbors like this a lot since they have dogs too. But I worry that other people with babies may not like my dog snuggling right up to their toddler and licking them right across the forehead. And I worry about Sam getting her feelings hurt if said other baby starts to cry once Sam shows some affection. So, my other campaign slogan is this — Don’t have babies and my dog won’t lick them.
Comment from Alex
Time: January 30, 2008, 2:48 pm
I think, in some ways, these are symptoms of people living too close together with too many pets and too many kids.
Harrison and I talked about this over a case of beer and some Greenies, and we decided we’d like our own ranch in Idaho. There’d be no kissy-face retrievers and I think he’d do just fine without them.
I think he was reading “Into the Wild,” too.
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